a poem

i found nowÂ (notÂ mine) and it describes the best way i feel now

Hidden behind a smile
I'm not okay
I just want to run
Really far away

I cant escape this pain
I'm losing control
I'm going insane

No one understands, nor do they try
To look past these eyes
To see my lonely cries

My family doesn't see it, they just ask from time to time
Ive become accustomed
To having no one by my side

My friend say It'll be okay
How would they know
They don't go through what I do every day

I'm tired of feeling like I have no voice
They all assume I'm fine
I guess I have no choice

I just want to cry sometimes
&& pretend I'm not hurting inside
I rather just say "No, I'm not okay"
Rather than lie and say "I'm fine"

Its like they only see what they want to see
They don't even try to know
The pain is overpowering me

So many nights
Ive thought and questioning this
This game called life

They say things happen for a reason
If so I'm constantly dealt the wrong fate
I always get let down,
Not even a little hesitate

The only way to equal myself with my pain
Is to take as many pills as I can
Over and Over again

1,2,3,4
So out of it
Just popping 15 more

I'm now stuck laying in this bed
Zoning out
Replaying all the lies said

Just wishing they would all try and see
The pain that over powers me.....

Shir01's Journals

a poem